


Back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever known

by thetruthshallsetyoufree



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: All too well lyrics, American!Harry, American!Liam, American!Zayn, Brief mention of Nick, But I’m a top Harry kinda girl, Flashback, Harry breaks up with Louis, Liam is an amazing best friend, M/M, Model!Louis, No Smut, Random guy names Zac, Sad!Louis, Top Harry, american!louis, broken!louis, happy ending i swear, irish!niall, sad!harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 05:29:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17380487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetruthshallsetyoufree/pseuds/thetruthshallsetyoufree
Summary: It seemed like just last week everything in Louis’ life was perfect. His apartment, his scarf, his boyfriend.Now, suddenly, he had none of it. No place of his own, no favorite item of clothing, and no boyfriend. No more Harry.Or, the one where Harry decides he’s had enough and Louis has to learn how to move on. But maybe, just maybe, there’s hope for them after all.Based off the song All Too Well





	Back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever known

_**Running scared I was there I remember it all too well...** _

 

 

All he could think about was the scarf. It was ridiculous, really, how in these moments of pain he couldn’t stop thinking of that stupid scarf. In Louis’ defensive it was by far his favorite thing he ever owned; just light enough it could pass for spring, yet heavy enough he could wear it every day in the fall. The tannish grey color went with everything hanging in his closet, and now in a blink of an eye he knew he’d never get it back. It seemed like just last week everything in Louis’ life was perfect. His apartment, his scarf, his _boyfriend_.

 

 

Now, suddenly, he had none of it. No place of his own, no favorite item of clothing, and no boyfriend. No more Harry.

 

 

Maybe that’s why he felt so focused on that stupid scarf. It was easier to think of that being lost rather than what really was. Six long, beautiful, exciting years simply vanished right before him. As if none of it had ever mattered, as if Louis himself never mattered.

 

 

He couldn’t understand how Harry did something like this. He felt like he’d never understand how one day everything seemed fine and the next Harry was over it, over having such a long commitment, over the feeling of being “tied down”. Over Louis. He remembered the fury that boiled inside, he remembered smashing glasses and throwing plates. He remembered calling Harry a coward, shouting that he was only running from fear. And Harry let him be angry, expected nothing less. He let him throw punches and kicks, he let him curse and scream. And then he let him cry, and beg, and sob for Harry to change his mind, for him to come back. Only Harry had already made his decision, and anyone who knew him knew he was the most stubborn boy alive.

 

 

The next day is when Louis packed his bags and left. He remembered more tears that fell the moment he heard the door close behind him. That sound was only a reminder of how he was leaving everything he once knew behind. How Harry would soon be swallowed up in nothing more than the past.

 

 

It was hard for a long time after that. Louis moved back in with his old college friend. He was grateful for Liam, really. He had been so understanding the morning Louis showed up at his apartment door with two large suitcases and eyes swimming with tears. He took one look at the tiny boy and tugged him into his arms. He invited Louis in with a warm smile and never once asked a single question. He let Louis move into the spare bedroom and every morning there was breakfast waiting on his nightstand for him, with a silly note of love. And every morning Louis would ignore it, roll over onto his side and fall back asleep.

 

 

He never meant to be rude. It’s just he didn’t have the strength for anything anymore. All he could think of was _Harry Harry Harry_. What was Harry doing now? Or just simply what now? What did he do after so many years with someone? How does he go on being so alone?

 

 

It was one night about two weeks after the break up when Liam came home, he found Louis sprawled out across the couch. There were large bags underneath his eyes, his skin almost ghostly white and cheeks red and wet from tears. He was staring blankly up at the ceiling when Liam had carefully approached him. “Hey,” he was almost whispering. “You got out of bed, I’m glad to see that.” Louis didn’t answer him, and it was very unclear whether or not he had actually been listening. Liam gave his shoulder a gentle tap, and still nothing. He bent down so he could press a kiss to Louis’ cheek. “Lou,” he was now talking softly and directly in his ear. “Please answer me. Give me some sort of sign you’re in there.”

 

 

He waited for at least a minute, and when there was nothing more than silence dragging on he let himself plop down beside the couch and reach to tangle his fingers in Louis’. If he wasn’t talking, Liam thought, maybe just being there would help instead.

 

 

_**Wind in my hair you were there you remember it all...** _

 

_It felt so nice, the cold breeze flowing in the car window and brushing against Louis’ flaming skin. He loved upstate New York, really he did, he just wished sometimes it wasn’t so hot in the summer time. Harry didn’t seem bothered by the heat, yet Harry never really seemed bothered by anything if he was with Louis._

_He could feel Harry’s eyes burning into him, which honestly was pretty dangerous since he was the one driving. He looked over at the mess of curls and rolled his eyes, a fond smile still forming on his lips. “Come on, Haz,” he teased. “I’ll still be here when we park.”_

_Harry only glanced at the road. His dimples were on full display and just like the first time they met Louis reached over to poke the nearest one. “You’re so beautiful,” he had insisted. “I can’t help myself.”_

 

_Louis remembered the way he rolled his eyes for the second time. It had seemed so ridiculous back then, as if he was living right out of a movie. He remembered the way he felt as Harry reached over to grab his hand, and then he remembered the fear when he looked forward at the road ahead of them. “Harry, watch out!”_

 

 

_It was a slam on the breaks that had him lurching forward. He hit his head on the dashboard and bounced back with a gasp of pain. There was an irritating buzzing in his ears, and when he blinked his eyes back open he saw Harry crouched in front of him - when did he get out of the car - waving a hand in front of his face._

_“Louis? Lou, come on! Lou, are you okay? Answer me! Are you okay?”_

_Louis blinked once more, shaking his head to clear his mind and come back to reality. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just in shock I guess. Did we hit anything?”_

 

 

_“No,” Harry sniffed, wiping the hair back from Louis’ blue eyes as he bent down to kiss his forehead. “No everything’s okay, thank god you were paying attention or else we would’ve been smushed. I’m so sorry, babe.”_

 

_His head was buried in Harry’s hard chest. He raised his hands to pull him in even closer. He placed a gentle, comforting kiss on Harry’s neck. “Next time just take a picture, Hazza.”_

 

_Everything was alright when he heard Harry’s tearful laugh._

 

 

*~*

 

 

It was a month and a half later when Louis made his first appearance outside. He almost forgot what sunlight felt like, the blinding sensation it first gave you when you came outside of somewhere dark after so long. He nearly tumbled over Liam, who help him up with a supportive grip.

 

 

In the close distance he could make out two boys standing on the other side of the road. It had been so long since he saw them, for he had always made Liam turn them away. It wasn’t as if he wanted to, if he was honest, he just hadn’t felt up to seeing anybody for so long. Sometimes, in his darkest of days, even Liam was too much for him.

 

 

The moment he reached the other side of the street one of the boys lunged for him, nearly knocking him right over. If it hadn’t been for the extreme tightness of the hug he would’ve fallen off into the road. “Niall, relax,” the other boy tapped his shoulder. “Give him some space, huh?”

 

 

“I’m sorry!” The Irish one squeaked. “We just haven’t seen him in so long, Zayn. I missed him so much.” He turned to look down at Louis, a wide yet sad smile written upon his lips. “I missed you so much, mate. How’ve you been?”

 

 

Louis looked at all three of them, suddenly uncomfortable at the intense stares he received. He shifted his weight and glanced back behind his shoulder. “Uh, been better I guess. But I’m getting there. Almost forgot what you looked like though,” he reached over to playfully ruffle Niall’s hair with a forced smile. “Have you always been blonde?”

 

 

It was only when everyone laughed that Louis thought maybe - just _maybe_ \- this was something he could do again.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Around the five month mark was when he was approached. He had been going out a lot more since the first time, taking it easy and with small gestures to work his way up to the boy he used to be. He even started helping Liam out with errands, which is what he was doing when they met.

 

 

He hadn’t been able to reach the top shelf, something Harry used to find extremely endearing when they were together. It always wrecked Louis’ day, the fact that he was reminded at a grocery store just how short he really was. And every time Harry would laugh, lean over his body to grab it for them and then relentlessly tease Louis the entire time they were shopping. After Harry would make it up to Louis by stopping off for some ice cream, a large mint chocolate chip Sunday with extra whipped cream and caramel, Louis’ favorite. The mere thought of that used to make Louis physically sick, there had been a few times he rushed off to the bathroom just thinking of said boy. Now, though, he shook his head to clear his mind of those thoughts.

 

 

He jumped when he felt a body reaching over him, and all he saw was a tan muscular arm snatching the can of apple sauce he had been aiming for off the shelf. Louis huffed, turning around to give this idiot a piece of his mind. All he saw when he turned was a pair of blue eyes, maybe even bluer than his own, staring down at him. He was hit with a beautiful smile, dark hair swept off his forehead and the most intense gaze Louis could ever remember. His mind fell blank, suddenly all words lost on him.

 

 

“I’m sorry,” the attractive man admitted. Now, Louis has noticed when a boy was cute, of course he did he wasn’t blind. But since the break up he never really thought anything of it, for his own pain was too much to deal with. This was the first time a boy had left him speechless in so long. “I saw you struggling and really, what kind of gentlemen would I be if I didn’t help out a damsel in distress?”

 

 

Louis grabbed the can from his large hands and anxiously tossed it in his cart. He took a step backwards and replied, “‘m not a damsel in distress. I could’ve gotten it, you know.”

 

 

If possible, the boy’s smile only seemed to grow with his laugh. “Really? I can put it back if you want, I’m sure everyone here would love to see you hopping on those tiny legs some more.” Louis didn’t have a good enough answer for him, so he settled on narrowing his eyebrows and a sassy hand resting on his hip. “I’m Zac,” he introduced fondly.

 

 

Louis let the pause drag on, just to make this boy sweat. After a long moment he dropped his hand and said, “Louis.”

 

 

“Well, Louis,” Zac put extreme emphasis on his name, something he only ever heard Harry do. There was only time for a second of sadness before there was a phone flashed in his face. “Maybe I could get your number, give you a ring some time?”

 

 

The old Louis would have said no, in fact the Louis that had been taking over his life for the past half year wouldn’t even be out here to meet this boy. He’d be tucked away where it’s safe, back at Liam’s flat. He didn’t let himself think about it this time, and a small smile fall easily on his lips the second he accepted Zac’s phone.

 

 

It was finally time to move on. 

 

****

**_Down the stairs you there you remember it all..._ **

 

 

_Louis was extremely nervous the first time he met Harry’s family. He remembered stressing about the flowers he was bringing and at the last second stopped for a bottle of wine. He remembered feeling surprised when Harry’s mother thanked him, placed them down on the counter disinterestedly and instead went to pull Louis into a warm embrace. And he remembered how well they got along, laughing for hours about silly stories of the taller boy._

 

 

_Harry obviously had enough, his cheeks burning red from embarrassment the moment his mother grabbed for the old baby album. He had pleaded with her to put those away. He “really liked this guy” he had admitted, and didn’t want to scare him away._

_“You can’t scare me away, Haz,” Louis simply replied with a charming smile. “You’re stuck with me whether you like it or not.”_

 

_They spent at least two hours looking back at old pictures and eventually Harry got over his embarrassment and settled down beside them, hands moving to tug Louis closer by the waist. It felt so nice, to be close to someone like this. Louis almost given up ever finding someone he truly cared for in his way. And when he least expected it that’s when he found him._

 

 

“ _Number 23,” he remembered exactly how proud she had sounded about her son. “And he was the best baseball player I’ve seen, could’ve gone pro.”_

_“Mom,” Harry whined, tossing his head against the back of the chair. “I honestly wasn’t that good.”_

 

_“You were brilliant, love. Louis, dear I meant to ask where you got that scarf, Gemma would absolutely adore it.”_

_Louis glanced down and smiled, toying with the material subconsciously. “Got a great deal for it at American Eagle, there’s tons of great stuff there.”_

 

 

_Harry’s mom agreed, and they moved in with their conversation. It felt so right, as if he was already part of this family. He fit in perfectly, with both his mom and his sister who joined them later in the day._

_When they got home that night Harry seemed to be in an even better mood than usual. He slid into the kitchen with just his socks and called for Louis. It was and amusing sight, watching Harry play music on his phone and the turn to Louis expectedly. He held out his hand, dancing with just his shoulders. “It’s dark, Haz,” he giggled and took a fast glance at his watch. “And it’s almost three in the morning.”_

_“So?”_

 

 

_Harry twirled across the kitchen to open the fridge, the dim light left a spotlight across the room. He looked back over at Louis and reached for his hand once more. This time Louis let himself be gracefully danced throughout the entire kitchen. They danced for what had to have been hours, until the sunrise could be seen from the window, beaming into their apartment and leaving more light to fill across the room._

 

_It was moments like this when Louis knew they would last forever._

 

 

*~*

 

 

Eight months later and Louis had a new job, and a new official boyfriend. Zac was so sweet, definitely one of the nicest guys he could meet. It wasn’t serious though, mostly because of Louis. Yeah, sure he liked Zac. He liked Zac a lot. But it was like everything he did, or said Louis compared to Harry. And he tried so hard not too, he tried to push that boy from his mind. But after six years he was permanently engraved in Louis’ heart, and no matter who Louis was with now they couldn’t erase that from his memory.

 

 

It turned out Zac had been in the modeling business, which was absolutely no surprise to Louis. After only a week of meeting with his managers Louis suddenly found himself the one people were interested in. He wasn’t extremely big, not yet everyone kept promising, but sometimes he’d be in a coffee shop or at the store and someone would come up to him, holding a magazine he was posing on. It was all too weird, even now after these past few months, to find when random people knew him.

 

 

And then the day came when Liam came home fuming. It started in the afternoon, with Louis sitting at the kitchen island with Niall, drinking tea and talking with the tv noise on in the background. They heard a slam of the door, hard enough to rattle the walls. And just a moment later Liam turned the corner, cradling an extremely bruised hand.

 

 

Louis was the first to move, dropping his tea on the counter to run over to him. “God, Li, what the hell happened?”

 

 

“He - he was just there,” Liam sounded furious. His face was a beat red, burning from unbelievable anger as Louis helped him into a chair. “I was on line, finally ready to come home. It’s just been such a long day, you know? And then - then he came up. Acting as if everything was alright. Acting as if we were still _friends_ -“

 

 

“Whoa, Li. Calm down. Let me get you some ice.”Louis walked over to the fridge, took out the ice bucket from the freezer and drop a few in a wash cloth. He pushed Liam back down into his previous seat and gently placed the ice on his sore knuckles. “Okay, now who thought you were still friends?”

 

 

Liam looked up, biting his lip as his nostrils flared with fury. “Harry,” he stated. “It was Harry.”

 

 

The room fell silent. Louis and Liam stared straight at each other, both refusing to drop contact. He could feel Niall’s eyes on him too, but there were so many thoughts filling his mind he couldn’t pay him any attention. Louis let his own eyes fall shut extremely slowly and swallowed the lump forming in his throat. “You didn’t.”

 

 

“I had to! Lou, he just came up and tapped my shoulder. And he looked horrible, absolutely dreadful. After all these months, months that wouldn’t have happened in the first place if he wasn’t such a dick, he had the decency to come up to me crying and miserable as if it’s only been a couple weeks asking about you. I just - I lost it.”

 

 

“You could have been arrested,” Louis pointed out. “That was just stupid, Li, even if it was for me.” He let a tiny pause linger in the air between them before a soft smile reached him. “But, thank you.”

 

 

Liam our more pressure on his wash cloth and leaned his head on Louis’ shoulder. He didn’t reply, there was nothing more to say now. What happened was done, and at least he knew Harry had a difficult time as well.

 

 

*~*

 

 

It was only a week later he got the call. He saw Harry’s name pop up on his phone and almost jumped straight out of his own skin. He had been trying to delete that number, for months he constantly came back to it. But there was a burning desire inside to keep it around, for sometimes - only sometimes - he still felt the comfort of seeing that number. It had almost been forgotten, lost with the rest of his contacts, but now it was hard to ignore when it was staring straight back up at him.

 

 

Louis ached to answer, he felt so strongly about hearing that old voice once more. Only he was finally moving on, finally seeing a future without curls and dimples. He feared what speaking to Harry night do to him, feared it could bring him back down the rabbit hole. So he stayed in his room, staring at his phone until the name disappeared and he didn’t move until a new notification popped up.

 

****

**_1 new voicemail_ **

 

 

He didn’t even think before swiping to type his code in. His heart was beating so fast it could fly from his chest, his thoughts raced through his head a million miles per hour. But the moment he heard a click, and then the old silky and smooth voice everything he was thinking vanished.

 

 

Time seemed to stand still.

 

 

_“Um, hey, hi. Uh, I don’t know if you, um, you still have my number but it’s-it’s Harry. I was just - just thinking of you, Lou. Thought I’d give you a ring, um, see what you were up to.”_

 

 

He sounded so sad, almost as if he had just finished crying. Louis heard him sniffle, and could picture his cheeks rosy and wet with tears. The sound made Louis himself fight against them.

 

 

“ _Also I-I-I wanted to say, well, that I’m sorry. And I, uh, I miss you. I miss you so much. And I know I don’t deserve another chance but-but I just really miss you. I miss going upstate; getting lost and distracted. And I miss dancing, around our entire apartment so late. And I miss your mom and sisters and mine miss you. And I just - I just fucked everything up and I miss you. I miss you every moment of every day, I miss you.”_

 

 

There was a long pause that left the sound of Harry sobbing, muffled by what Louis could only imagine to be his pillow. And he listened, for what felt like an hour he sat and listened to Harry’s cries. He fell back on his bed just as Harry took in a long breath of air.

 

_“I’m sorry, maybe this was a mistake. I just, I just wanted to tell you. Bye, Lou.”_

 

There was a soft click, and then nothing. He tossed his phone to the side of his bed and curled up in a ball. He buried his head into the warm comfort of his blankets and he, too, began to cry.

 

 

That’s where Liam found him, curled up and sobbing an hour later. He had finally begun to fully move on, it was unfair of Harry to leave a message like that. He was the one who chose this, he was the one who said he couldn’t handle the commitment anymore. If he felt broken after it wasn’t Louis’ problem, because if it wasn’t for him they could still be together in the first place. Harry was the reason they both could no longer breathe.

 

 

The moment Liam laid eyes on Louis he ran over, pulled him into his arms and kissed his forehead. He didn’t need to ask what caused this, Harry was the only obvious answer. So instead he let Louis cry, for what felt like hours, until there were no tears left for Louis to shed. “I’m sorry,” Liam soothed. “But you’ve come so far, you’re doing so well, love. You’re getting there.”

 

 

His words were supposed to be comforting. But it felt like no help at all, so Louis didn’t reply. And Liam didn’t speak again. They let the silence fall over them, the small comfort of just being there filling the room.

 

 

It was the next day when he ended things with Zac.

 

 

**_It was rare I was there I remember it all too well..._ **

 

 

Ten months after the breakup, two months after that voicemail and Louis finally felt ready to talk about it. Or, sing about it at least. It was something he had been working on for so long, and although Zac and him had decided to end things they stayed close friends and Louis’ modeling career had caused his singing to take off. He was nothing huge yet, only small arenas and outdoor gigs. But it was something, and it helped with all the pain deep inside.

 

 

He could feel his heart beating so fast, as if it was about to jump from his chest as the previous song came to a close. He knew what was next and somehow, wasn’t quite sure he made a good choice. There were more people staring at him than he could ever remember and he briefly wondered why this show seemed bigger than all his others.

 

 

Louis sat down at the piano, he took in a deep breath and leaned into the mic, his fingers playfully teasing the keys. “So this one is something I very recently finished. It’s about a love so strong and passionate it’s something you could never forget. And even when the time comes for it to end you’ll remember it all, every little detail, too well.”

 

 

He closed his eyes, let just another moment pass by before bearing his soul for the world to hear.

 

 

_“I walked through the door with you, the air was cold_

_Something about it felt like home somehow_

_And I left my scarf there at your sisters house_

_And you’ve still got it, in your drawer even now._

 

_Oh your sweet disposition and my wide eyed gaze_

_We’re singing in the car getting lost upstate_

_Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place_

_And I can picture it, after all these days._

_And I know it’s long gone and that magic’s not here no more_

_And I might be okay but I’m not fine at all...  
_

_Cause there we are again on that little town street_

_You almost ran the red cause you were looking over at me_

_Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well._

 

_Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red_

_You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin sized bed_

_And your mother’s telling stories about you on the tee ball team_

_You tell me about your past, thinking your future was me._

 

_And I know it’s long gone and there was nothing else I can do_

_And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to..._

 

_Cause there we are again in the middle of the night_

_We’re dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light_

_Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well, yeah._

 

_And maybe we got lost in translation_

_Maybe I asked for too much_

_But maybe this love was a masterpiece till you tore it all up._

_Running scared I was there I remember it all too well._

 

_And you called me up again just to break me like a promise_

_So casually cruel in the name of being honest_

_I’m a crumbled up piece of paper lying here_

_Cause I remember it all all all...too well._

 

_Time won’t fly it’s like I’m paralyzed by it_

_I’d like to be my old self again but I’m still trying to find it_

_After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own_

_Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone_

 

_But you keep my old scarf_

_From that very first week cause it reminds you of innocence_

_And it smells like me you can’t get rid of it_

_Cause you remember it all too well...yeah._

 

_Cause there we are again when I loved you so_

_Back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever known_

_It was rare I was there I remember it all too well_

_Wind in my hair you were there you remember it all_

_Down the stairs you were there you remember it all_

_It was rare I was there I remember it all too well._

 

 

His fingers lingered on the last key, and it felt as if the sound echoed off the walls for hours. It was only moments though; moments of silence before the cheering begun. He didn’t look out into the crowd, for fear it might all be too much. He felt the platform begin to lower until he was under stage, and the moment he was on the ground strong arms were around him. He had gotten used to the strong smell of cologne, even began to feel comfort with it.

 

 

“That was amazing,” Liam encouraged. “That song is extremely emotional, got Niall at one point.

 

 

Louis raised his head to look at the blonde, who was wiping his face with the bottom of his tee shirt. “Heeeey,” he whined. “It got you too, Li, don’t make me look like the only baby.”

 

 

Louis laughed, glad his friends could be here for him. Niall reaches over to pull him from the piano seat and give him a hug of his own. “Thanks guy, really. For everything you’ve done for me these past eight months. I couldn’t ask for better friends.”

 

 

They beamed at him, smiles threatening to break off their faces. “So I was thinking,” Louis suddenly felt anxious. “Maybe we can hit joes on the way home, get in a few drinks?”

 

 

Niall raised both eyebrows. “You? You’re actually the one suggesting we go out?” When Louis did nothing but give a simple shrug Niall jumped onto his back and ruffled his hair. “My man!” He cheered. “You’ve finally gotten here.”

 

 

Louis swore he was the only one not downing drink after drink here. If anything he was tipsy, only a little bit, but enough to let him have a good time. He didn’t feel like getting completely trashed tonight, he still had enough adrenaline after such an amazing show, and he didn’t want to ruin that quite yet.

 

 

He was dancing with Liam when he could feel eyes on him, practically staring to kill. His anxiousness grew when he looked around and saw nothing suspicious because he could feel it. He knew someone was watching him.

 

 

He tugged on Niall’s sleeve and shouted in his ear, “I’ll be back. Gonna go smoke!”

 

 

Niall nodded, slapped his ass on when he turned around and he soon disappeared in the crowd of dancing bodies. 

 

 

The moment Louis pushes the doors open he was hit with a cool breeze. It felt so nice on his sweaty skin, nearly drying him up instantly. He could still feel eyes on him as he moved to lean against the outside of the club, one hand flicking the lighter on for his cigarette. And that’s when it happened, it was Harry who approached him, slipping from the same doors Louis himself had just exited. He almost dropped his cigarette as he was quick to step back. His head grew foggy the longer they stared at each other and man, Louis almost forgot just how beautiful he really was.

 

 

He stood so tall, an entire head above Louis, legs in dark tight jeans and tornado wrapped in a v neck white tee. His curls were as messy as always, falling in front of those gorgeous eyes and his large hands were shoved uncomfortably in both pockets.

 

 

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and offered an uncomfortable smile. “Hey.”

 

 

The sound of his voice was absolutely heartbreaking. He took another step back and there was a moment when the idea of running passed through his mind. Harry seemed to read him, though, as if no time has gone by. “Please don’t run,” his eyes grew sad. “I just - I just wanted to see you, talk to you.”

 

 

Louis turned from him, a sigh falling from his lips. “Go away, Harry. Just leave me alone.” There was a warm hand suddenly grabbing onto his upper arm, twisting him back around. Louis jerked from his grasp and stumbled backwards, catching himself on the brick wall of the building. “Don’t touch me!” He shouted.

 

 

Harry froze for a second before shoving his hands back in his pockets. “I’m sorry-I’m-I’m so sorry.”

 

 

The glare on Louis’ face was absolutely deadly. If looks could kill there was no doubt in his mind Harry would be dead by now. He wanted to punch him, kick him, as if it was still the first night Harry had broke them up. But instead he let a frustrated groan out and hissed, “what do you even want?”

 

 

“I just-can we go somewhere to sit or something ?”

 

 

“No,” Louis snapped. “You wanted to talk so go ahead, talk. What the hell do you have to say after all this time?”

 

 

“Well I, I don’t know if you got my message-“

 

 

“I got it.” These last few months had not been easy for Louis, he was in no way going to make this easy for Harry.

 

 

“Louis, I - I just - I have to tell you that I - I love you.”

 

 

He could have sworn his heart stopped. For an extremely long minute he was convinced he was dead. “What? How can you come here, almost a year later and tell me you love me? What the hell is wrong with you?”

 

 

“I know, and I’m sorry. I know I’m fucked up. But you have to understand I was an idiot. I let fucking Nick get the best of me and put these stupid ideas in my head. But the moment the door shut behind you that day I realized what I’ve done and I’ve never been the same. I just, I didn’t have the courage to come back to you after what I did. I thought I just needed time, but if anything it only got worse.” He took a small step forward . “But then tonight I heard the song you wrote for me, and I knew. I knew you still loved me too.”

 

 

Louis couldn’t control himself, he reached up to slap him. It wasn’t exactly hard, but it shocked the both of them. “That song was my goodbye to you. It was me finally letting it all out so I can move on.”

 

 

“But you don’t want to,” Harry’s tone was almost pleading. “You don’t want to move on. And I don’t either. Louis I-I think about you _all the time_...don’t you ever think about me?”

 

 

Everything changed for Louis right then. He felt a sudden wave of relief wash over him. It shouldn’t have to be said how much Louis thought back to when everything was so good. But there was something so intense; so persuasive; resting beneath Harry’s green gaze. So Louis let himself give a slow nodding dip of his head. “All the time,” he whispered.

 

 

And what happened next was something no one could’ve seen coming. Harry wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist, but more surprisingly Louis let him, and tugged him forward. They locked eyes only for a brief second before Harry bent down and pressed their lips together.

 

 

It was as if no time had gone by. The two of them fell into the old routine so easily, lips moving in-sync and bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces. Louis was the first to break away, panting heavily as he anxiously toyed with the curls at the back of Harry’s neck. “This doesn’t mean everything’s going to be okay, you know,” Louis told him. “You broke me into a million pieces, it’s gonna be awhile before I trust you again.”

 

 

Harry nodded his agreement. His hand twisted back around Louis’ neck and he pulled his face up to kiss him once more.

 

 

And for the first time in ten months Louis could finally remember the boy he used to be.

 

 

**_Cause I remember it all all all...too well._ **


End file.
